A ramble from the Pericardium

Okay, call me sappy if you will, but I'm gonna blame this on it being Pericardium time (TCM clock- Pericardium is all about nourishing and protecting the heart, communication etc).

So I never thought too much about being in a loving relationship, heck, even about being more social and spending time with people. But recently it has occurred to me that my life is up to me and all I have is now. And that gets me thinking about what I am currently doing with my life. As a metal element (more TCM stuff, it's all I think about #tcmlife), I am predominantly focused on that which is going to serve me in my life. If something isn't adding value, I don't bother. It sounds harsh and selfish, but that's how it feels. Tbh I go to explain this but keep catching myself, wondering if it is true or if I want it to be.

Anyway it got me thinking- WTF am I doing with my life? I seem to do pretty much the same thing daily, continue isolating myself from the endless world of possibilities... and what for? I could blame it on the internet- we can live our lives through other people without even leaving the house. Wow, sometimes I catch myself and think "damn, how boring are you". And tbh, with that I just laugh at myself because it's true... Enough with the self doubt.

Last night I found myself scrolling through old blog posts, as I do (forever living in the past or anywhere but the present), and the earlier posts were so much more entertaining and enjoyable than the more recent ones. And I am pretty sure that is because I was so innocent and had a healthy sense of humility. I wasn't as smart (and as arrogant-yikes) and hadn't experienced as much as I have now. I liked it when I was oblivious to the world of adulthood and didn't think I had all the answers. Sometimes I wonder what it must be like to not think so much about everything. Maybe those people are the lucky ones, living life now and enjoying it #noregrets.

In the mean time, I'm over here overanalysing all things: Thinking about what the purpose of life is, why humans are the only species to build houses and destroy the planet, what it was like to be alive 3000 years ago, whether other animals will evolve as we have, what happens when we die, can we communicate via energy, is there a higher purpose for living beings, is spiritual awakening a thing, how can we know who to trust, why do we have so much fear holding us back from what we really want? Oh my lord, the list goes on. Sometimes (most of the time) I exhaust myself just from being in my mind. But at the same time, it entertains me and I appreciate that #iamfunny (don't ask about the hashtags- I saw it, I liked it, I do it #7rings).

While we're on the topic, another thing that I find myself doing is thinking about TCM in everything I do (this may turn out to be helpful). I look at how the ends of my hair are looking a little unhealthy and I automatically think about the Kidneys, then the Liver, then Blood. I think about how much I overthink things and I go straight to the Spleen. I get cold ankles and I automatically wonder why- I'm still working on why this is, but I'm going to say it has something to do with Spleen-6 and the other 3 main Yin organs having their meridians there. Yin is cooling, so being exposed to cold would affect it more? Or I notice the more yang areas of my body- lateral and posterior areas of my body, especially my lower back are generally cold. The cold lower back I would assume to be something with the Kidney. But I am a little unsure as to why the yang areas feel cold, as yang is warm. But maybe the yang is deficient and the yin is pushing the yang to the surface and weakening it more. I get so confused with Chinese medicine theory. It fascinates me, but it also drives me insane. I look through my textbooks all the time trying to find out what is going on in my body/mind and I only end up more confused. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever fully understand it.

I have been interested in and learning more about the Tao. It puts everything into perspective. It teaches me to be humble, balanced and to recognise that we cannot force anything. I always used to feel the need to help other people or teach them things so that it accelerated their experience, and minimise the suffering. But the more I practice Taoism, the more I learn to sit back and allow other people to get to things at their own time. We cannot force anything on other people. I can't help but think about Louise Hay with all this (she is the grandmother everyone needs in their life).

Wow. I just read the Engagement alert on Grammarly, and it said "A bit bland" and I couldn't help but laugh. There is something hilarious about brutal honesty (even though I don't do too well with criticism #perfectionist). Maybe that is why so many people like memes. They hit us right in the feels. We can relate to them so well, it seems to be how our generation connects. It's both sad and true, but I still find myself laughing inside (#thereisamemeforthat).

Anyway, I have had enough of seeing my rambling out in words. Time to attempt to switch this mind off for a while. I'll save my super exciting ideas for another time #sarcasm (I'm laughing cause I don't know if I am being sarcastic, or if I am simply that boring).

Alrighty, ciao, lots of love xxx

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"When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be."

~ Lao Tzu