Trusting the flow

I feel very present. Very aware. Very conscious. It is like I am observing my thoughts and feelings from the outside. It is powerful yet calm. Strong yet delicate. Wonderful yet challenging. I am in the middle of doing a yin nighttime yoga (doona and all), just having finished watching “The Perk’s of Being a Wallflower”.

I feel raw. I feel connected to myself, yet so disconnected from anyone else. I couldn’t help but all of a sudden write. It's as if something is pulling the words out of me. The more I resist, the more agitated I get. Just like everything in life. We just have to let the energy flow right through us. Try not to get too attached or resist it. And you know, the cozier I get wrapped up in my little doona cocoon, beanie, comfy as clothes and long fluffy socks, the more love I feel. The kind of love that softens my soul, hugs my inner child and reminds me of my true essence. Reminds me of what I really like and who I am as a person.

On Saturday night I did something out of the norm- I went into the city with friends. We caught the train in, walked down China town, waited in line for what felt like ages, had dumplings, drank wine, walked down the streets of Melbourne city, and went to a club that played that awful doof doof music.

I felt totally and completely out of place.

The walking down the streets was my favourite part of the whole night. Admiring the diversity of the human condition. Admiring the lights, the buildings, the journeys that everyone is on. Remembering that everyone has a story. Everyone has something they are learning, overcoming and finding joy from. There were people dancing in the street, sleeping on the benches, people singing, and people playing music out of recycled items. And then there were people driving their fancy BMW’s, people dressed up to go out dancing, people watching other people. People wondering what other people are thinking of them. People doing their thing.

It really was beautiful. Beautiful in a way that opened my eyes to the wonderful uniqueness and imperfection that is us- human. I probably wouldn’t follow that scene as much, personally. As soon as I got to the club I wanted to walk back out and go home. It isn’t at all where I want to be. I don’t enjoy it. I feel like I am a fraud. But I felt I needed to be more social and actually physically do things with other people. Interact. Communicate. "Act my age". Do what other 20-year-old university students do.

But you know what, from this experience I found clarity. The clarity in the familiarity of my being. And in that discovery, I can get closer to knowing where I feel I belong.

In this life, I believe we are all born unique. With our own little quirks and desires, lessons to learn and obstacles to overcome. And we spend our lives searching for our self, where we feel we truly belong. Be it in a career we feel is in alignment with our soul, a relationship where we feel and give unconditional love and support, or simply to feel we belong in our physical body. I believe we find ourselves caught up in life’s (beautiful) chaos that we forget what truly makes us feel at home. It’s in the quiet moments that we remember who we are. That raw, vulnerable and empty feeling.

If you are like me, you may have tried to avoid this feeling in any way possible. Be it with work, study, food, exercise, relationships, drama- pick your poison.

We are all so different yet all the same. We can all come to this raw state. It is scary yet pleasant.

“We accept the love we think we deserve” (The Perks of Being a Wallflower)

We must care for ourselves enough that we tune in. We can push as much as we like to avoid this feeling, but eventually, it will catch up with us. We will get sick or injured, agitated or irritable, or forced to slow down and tune in.

We cannot run from ourselves forever.

Often when things get tough I feel I want to run away, drop out of uni, travel the world, hide from my life and avoid people I know. But this doesn’t solve the problem. It may mask the uncomfortable feeling temporarily. But eventually, our troubles catch up with us. When we aren’t aligned with our soul’s desires, we won’t feel settled. We will continue to doubt ourselves. We will question our life situation.

It is in these moments that we must find a safe place, listen in and feel what it is we need to feel. It is the thing we tend to avoid the most, yet it is where the magic happens. It is where we feel most alive. I know that I personally don’t achieve much if I feel pressure to do something. So lately I have been just flowing from idea to idea, task to task, feeling to feeling. Following some kind of intuitive knowing.

I can feel when I am out of alignment. I can feel when I am in alignment.

And my message for you is to find that alignment. Follow the good vibes. Listen to your inner knowing, and trust that everything will work out perfectly for you.

Take a nice, deep, letting go breath.

“I let go”

#conscious #mindful #clarity #thoughts #rambles #LawofAttraction #kindness