Working with a health coach

I don’t know how to begin this. I think I am just in a transition between unconditional love, and recovering from a toxic relationship with my body. And in a way, I think it was maybe more about a relationship to my SELF, not just my body. My body was what I blamed it all on. For not being lean enough, pretty enough, strong enough.

But after working with a coach for 3 months, I have overcome some pretty amazing things. Things that I think would have taken me a whole lot longer to accomplish. I struggle to give her all the praise for this though. I keep thinking, resisting, the fact that I couldn’t do it all by myself. Initially, I got a coach to help me lose the weight I so desperately wanted to be gone.

I got frustrated with her. I got frustrated with myself. I wanted to give up. I was impatient. And after 3 months, my size has barely changed at all.

Now, I would have thought it was a waste of my money, time and effort. But you know what. I feel like a different person- mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I feel more connected to myself. I feel more gratitude for my life. I am having significantly better days. I no longer binge eat in the middle of the night. I no longer feel completely restricted. I no longer hate myself all the time. Not all days are perfect (and they probably never will be), but my mindset has shifted big time.

When first working with this coach, I was hesitant (and still struggle) with keeping a food diary. I could never do it. I had such great resistance to this. It would bring up so much from the past. The past where I would count and obsess over calories, making graphs and tables and tracking my weight and calories spent exercising. It was a cycle of massive restriction and obsession. So, the idea of simply recording what I ate, and following a set meal plan scared the heck out of me. So, to this day, I haven’t been so particular with the food I eat. I struggled for a while about whether it would be better to follow a plan or listen intuitively to my body. And part of the struggle here is that I don’t know how to listen to my body. It is something I am working the most on (especially being a Chinese Medicine student). Working on listening to all the signs and symptoms and little messages my body is trying to tell me. And then not judging it. Listening, acknowledging and reacting appropriately. When it comes to food, hunger and fullness I still struggle. I attempt to eat more mindfully, prepare food mindfully, make decisions mindfully. But it’s proving to be harder then it seems (that’s my mindset at the time- I just need to remember how I want to feel).

One thing that really helped me, was the NLP (neurolinguistic programming) processes we would do together. There were many belief patterns we focused on:

1. Believing I can change (and deserve to change)- this was a BIG one at the start

2. Recognising WHY I want to change

3. Merging the ego and the soul together as one (recognising that they both desire the same thing- love and connection)

4. The feeling of being enough

I would also create a morning routine. One that helped remind me of my values and goals. This included exercise, creating a vision board and looking at that every morning, gratitude and meditation.

Now, part of me is still upset that my body is not where I want it to be. But I am definitely more content (or at least I keep telling myself that).

So, was it worth it?

Well, I believe so. It has changed me for the better and helped set me up for success.

#Health #EatingDisorder #selflove #personalgrowth